Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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