So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
