She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
