It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
