Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
