so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
