I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
