If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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