I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize