remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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