I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize