You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
