I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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