i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
