Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
