Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I believe in your delicious
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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