she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
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