Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
