Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
