Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize