Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
