Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Randomize
