i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize