he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
