I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
