When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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