Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
40s are totally the cure
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
