how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
