So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
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