She just used a chaser for red wine.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
BRING THE BAGELS
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
