I'm going to jail i love you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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