Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
