i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
