he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
