I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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