You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
