Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
