I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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