I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
