plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I need a hoe opinion
go on
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
