I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize