Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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