then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
