all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
