Me too!
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
