I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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