I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
