woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
