Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
