Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
