perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
