he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
