addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
