I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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