its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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