ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize