just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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