Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
