yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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