bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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