no, he came in my armpit
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
