she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
