You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I want to fling myself into the sun
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
