So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
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