im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
