So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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