Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
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