we're blogging at a bar
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
