First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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