just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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