Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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