remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We left the knife in your bed.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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