K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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