Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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