So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
