I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
