It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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