no, he came in my armpit
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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