I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
