Yo dont text me then not text me
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
