so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
