She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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