I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
