I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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