Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
