Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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