I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
