The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
