Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
