I don't usually arrange sex via text message
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize