My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
