Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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