what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
